I’ll tell you why we do it.

November 18, 2009

I’ll tell you why we do it.

The topic of wedding rings came up on the Wedding Bee forums.  One of the brides on the forum mentioned that her fiancee doesn’t want to wear a wedding ring after they’re married because he finds jewelry uncomfortable and unmanly.  She’s upset about this, for obvious reasons, and asked the rest of us (as they always do) if this problem had come up.  Not too surprisingly, he’s not the only man who feels this way about wearing a wedding ring, though he does seem to be more adamant about it than some of the other women made their fiancee’s seem.  One woman said she was able to finally convince hers to wear one and he grew to like them.

Now…I know that wedding rings are a cultural thing.  A lot of people wear them and a lot of people don’t.  Many people wear them to symbolize their love (or at least that’s what they’ll tell you), others wear them because society sort of expects it anymore, and some people don’t wear them at all.  I had a teacher in high school who, instead of wearing a wedding ring, made a cross with his wife out of two pieces of driftwood they found and put together.  The cross hangs in their living room or something.

I will admit that one reason I want Zach and I to wear wedding bands is that I think they’re pretty (yes, I’m being impractical on this one thing – sue me).  I know a lot of people don’t do the engagement ring thing because it’s impractical and a waste of money, but I like them.  Sure, for the first two or three months, I would take it off when Zach wasn’t around, set it on my desk, and glare at it.  It wasn’t because I disliked the thing, it was because I’d never in my life worn a ring on that finger and it felt weird and unnatural.  It took me a long time to get used to it.  So in that sense, I understand where this woman’s fiancee is coming from.  Rings feel weird when you’re not used to wearing them.

However, the second and biggest reason I want us to wear wedding bands is because society expects it.  Usually the expectations of society don’t fall high on my list of priorities, if they’re on there at all.  But this  one is important to me.  When I explained this girl’s situation to Zach, he immediately said, “I bet I know the real reason he doesn’t want to wear a ring.”  I had a pretty good idea of what he might be talking about, but I asked anyway.  “He wants to be able to get away with having affairs,” he told me.  Ah.  Yes, that’s what I had figured.  He had a good point, though.  I know Zach has no intention (at least at the moment) of cheating on me.  Neither now or while we’re married.  That does not mean another woman will never come on to him, though.

I remember that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray lost his wedding ring and some girl at the airport hit on him.  She felt embarrassed, though I didn’t feel she had much need to.  Without a ring, how was she supposed to know he was married?  Yes, he told her, but how annoying would that be to have to do it constantly?  The easiest thing to do is wear a ring, which lets everyone know you’re married without the situation getting awkward.  If a girl were to hit on Zach, all I could do is hope that he tells her that he’s with me.  Unless one of us tells her, I can’t be angry at her – how else is she supposed to know?  At least if he’s wearing a wedding ring and she knows he’s married, I can feel perfectly justified in beating the hell out of her.

This is why I feel married couples should wear rings.  It doesn’t have to be a conventional ring.  Some men get “rings” tattooed on their fingers to avoid jewelry.  Hell, buy a cheap ring from Wal-Mart, or even one of those fake $15 rings.  I’m sure there are all kinds of ways to get out of spending a lot of money on a ring you’re uncomfortable wearing.  But it’s really considerate to the rest of society, who rely on those rings to let them know from whom it’s OK to accept drinks. 

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